so, tuesday night was the premiere of a new reality tv series, "the colony". the basic premise is this, because i'm sure not a lot of people have heard about this show:
7 strangers, ala real world style, are picked to survive in a "katrina" devastated section of new orleans that was left abandoned....but under the premise that there was a deadly virus let on the US and they are some of the few survivors and this 10 acre area they are dropped off at is a safe zone. it is the usual reality show mish mash of people....you've got the super religious guy, the old retired dude, the lesbian mechanic, the young model, you get the idea. they have to survive for 50 days in a post apocalypse environment....
these fuckers are living my god damned dream!!! and they're gonna get fucking paid for it!!!
so, anyway......in the first episode, they find a bunch of supplies; medical supplies like first aid shit and medicine, canned foods, cots and blankets and pillows, soy milk, military MREs, and a shit tone of crackers. they wander around the compound, and pick the burnt out apartment building for their shelter. then they start to purify water. this was the first mistake they made........they chose a familiar structure for their homebase. there were other sturdier structures they could have chosen...but they went with apartments.
i shook my head, but kept watching. then 3 strangers wearing gask masks wandered through their compound. (yes these were actors....i know) the strangers wanted food or water.these colonists were all...."we don't have food, but we can give you water"...."let's be nice to them because jesus would be"..."that's all we can give you and you can't go in that apartment building because....uh....you can't." they get in a fight with these strangers and force them out......
and THIS is where i wanted to strangle every last one of these colonists. (granted this is a TV show, and they are set to be presented with challenges....and i doubt they expected actors posing as wasteland survivors) what do they do? they go back to business as usual of cooking food and purifying water.......what the fuck?! these people are clearly fucking idiots.....even in this fictional setting. one of the fundamentals of survival is security. even the fucking voice over narrator mentions that in the first 15 minutes. after the 3 actors passed through, these people did NOTHING to fortify their apartment building. fucking nothing! .....and the next day, they got raided.
so, my open letter to them (not that it matters, this shit was filmed months ago) and to anyone else hoping to survive in an apocalyptic situation.
so, you've found yourself in an abandoned neighborhood. the government said it would be safe here and wait for further instructions. #1 the government fucking lies. don't wait around, secure yourself. #2 find shelter you can be safe in. first things first. find defendable shelter. in this case, that hunting store with only 2 entrances and no windows......fucking golden! barricade both from the inside. surround them with razor wire. create open access to the roof....there's your entrance/exit. in the case of the apartments in the show....they were on the second floor. destroy all stairwell access to that floor and use that lumber for fortification of all entrances accept one, which is a window with a rope ladder. you're on the second floor now.....you can defend the fuck out of anything, and no one can get in except spider-man. #3 the world has fucking ended. it's cool to be paranoid. start making fucking weapons. you need to hunt. you need to defend yourself. punching and slapping is for UFC. #4 look for food and water sources during daylight hours. after you've secured yourself, you've got about 2 days before you start to wear down and begin dementia. basic fortification should only take a couple hours....and if you have 7 people, an hour tops. scour for useful supplies, buckets, large cans, hoses, ropes. the morons in this show were looking for car batteries and gasoline so they could create electricity! the only thing they did right was create a sand/charcoal water filtration system. yet they found a 3 foot grass snake and killed it, and threw the corpse out into the grass!!!
i'm getting off track.....point being, these morons on this show would have been killed on the third day by the raiders that came to ransack them if the raiders were not actors. because they failed at following the 5 basic rules of survival: food/water. fire. shelter. first aid. signaling. and in the case of an apocalyptic event, these change to: food/water. shelter. fire. security. first aid.....there's no one alive, so there's no need to signal anyone!
sigh.....i'm totally gonna watch this show....and hate it the whole time. damn you tv....damn you.
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